Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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