4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
My nipple is on Facebook.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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