I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
