All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
