and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
