I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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