I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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