I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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