Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
