I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
