OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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