guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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