why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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