if you like me you must not know who I am
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
barbara walters just said penis...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize