i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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