we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
