the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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