it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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