he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
