you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
