This girl is more easily done than said...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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