the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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