We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
