and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
