I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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