So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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