I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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