I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
