been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
