you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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