dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
