yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
