i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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