Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
