She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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