Three words: puerto rican gang bang
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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