Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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