i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
