one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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