i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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