If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
