I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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