before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Never underestimate the power of titties
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
