I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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