dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
