I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
