Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
