mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
did you just send me my own nude
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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