I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I know her cup size but not her name....
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