I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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