Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
