We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
