Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
