she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
