Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
