3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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