The maid of honor just puked.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
