He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
