i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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