lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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