I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
