i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
