I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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